I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
