I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Randomize
