YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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