ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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