I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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