Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Randomize
