I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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