He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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