the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize