Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I had to cum in my sink.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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