Where are you?
In a non slutty way
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
