I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
