dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
