the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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