ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
