One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
