She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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