I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
