it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
