i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We need to get me chipped asap
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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