just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
