Pappa wants mamma naked
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize