so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
