why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
