Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
