i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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