Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
