there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
