Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
