it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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