He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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