I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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