I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
