i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
