Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
