I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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