I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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