I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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