It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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