I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
