And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
