The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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