We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Couch. On fire.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
