I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize