dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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