I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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