my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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