READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
