I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
