On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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