dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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