I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Pants are for mortals
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
