you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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