I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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