I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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