I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
