So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize