do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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