Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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