I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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