Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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