when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
