he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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