so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
