Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
