That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
