another moral hangover. fuck.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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