Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
