i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
