hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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