i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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