if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
