When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
