Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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