After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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