Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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