but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
