Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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